It’s 9am, and I’m sitting on my living room couch, and thinking about how one year has already passed since I moved to Hawaii, and all of the things that I wanted to achieve in that time that kind of got lost in the mire. I don’t know why…. Is it because I have been depressed off and on? Is it becauese I feel like I have remarkably little control over my life? Is it because I’m so blindingly poor that I had to put my rent on credit cards for the last two months and they’re maxed out?
I should focus on the good things. This is my one-year anniversary with Hawaii, after all! It’s longer than I stayed in Aberdeen, and 1/9th of the time that I spent in Tokyo. Gosh, I miss Tokyo, now that you mention it. A LOT.
Is it because I’m in a new relationship? Thuy and I have been going out for three months as of today, but it feels like at least a year and a half. I feel like I know her so intimately, and like I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love her so, so much. Sometimes I’m afraid, though, that she’ll choose to walk away from me because I love her too much, as if my love could be a heavy, unyielding weight pressed down upon her that she’ll want to run from. So, I think that I should be independent and not clingy. Only to realize that I miss her too much, and am scared to lose her.
I guess that’s how it goes?
I’ve always loved my blog, so it’s going to be my therapy right now. Let’s see how this goes? Thuy is sleeping in my room, and I’m alone on the couch, writing and thinking about so many things. I’m going to work on an art piece for my comic now– the cover. Maybe, maybe I can finish today? If so, that would certainly be reason to celebrate!