A new year, a new channel?
I regret to say that there have been a lot of problems in my personal life recently. The kinds of things that I don’t feel like I can talk about just yet (including loss..)…
That’s why I disappeared for so long.
There are times when I feel like I’m just not as strong as I wanted to think that I am. You know, when just waking up seems like a chore. And just when you feel like you’ve gotten over one thing, yet another one happens. It’s another mountain to scale, another hill to climb. Up, up, up, and then down. Down down down down.
Yet, I’m still here. And it’s a new year.
I made a decision to make 2012 a year that I lived to the fullest extent, and in a way I’ve already broken that in a way. But it’s here on out!
My new year is starting from today, January 15th!
I’m hoping to appease you with a bit of a story from a trip to a temple on December 31st.
It was a cold, cold day. Cold for me, that is, as it was just a little bit above freezing. Luckily, there wasn’t much in the way of a wind this year. But I was really depressed, having serious issues going on in my personal life. So, I called up a friend, Tiffany.
Tiff and I traveled an hour each on the trains and met in between our two houses– at Meiji-jingu shrine, outside of the super-famous Harajuku station.
The gate to the shrine, which would be packed later that evening as people flooded in to celebrate the New Year.
Tiffany was my savior that afternoon, listening to my problems, and sharing some of her own. I didn’t feel like talking about everything, partly because some things I feel should be private, and some things weren’t my secrets to share.
But, I knew that she wouldn’t judge, and that she would listen. So we walked and talked, through the pre-new-year quiet temple.
In Japan, you can throw away certain new years charms (traditional “arrows”, amulets, etc) at the temples. But some of the things that you can’t throw away are darumas (the thing on the left), dolls, and stuffed animals.. apparently.
2012 is apparently the 100th anniversary of Emperor Meiji‘s death, as we found out from the new wooden posts just outside of the gate. They were written in all sorts of languages.
There was just… something really surreal about all of the languages written there. It’s a bit like a physical representation of my life. That is, if you paint a few cracks on the boards. Also, well, you’ve gotta add a few rainbows in there, too….. 🙂
The barrels below were further down the wooded path. They’ve been there since before I came to Japan, and if you go to this temple, you can’t miss them. Apparently, at one time they held sake (the drink, not the fish!).
And as we approach the temple, we see that it’s the year of the dragon. Tiffany and I got further embedded into conversation, and further embedded into the silence.
This is Tiffany..
The rest, I’m going to continue tomorrow. There is still a lot that I have to do, but please leave me a comment of support if you feel so inclined! It will lend me some of the power that I need to keep fighting, and maybe, just maybe, enough power to make 2012 the real year of changes!