Yesterday, a friend sent me an article about falling in love. You can read it here. It was basically about creating artificial (in my mind) intimacy by answering increasingly personal questions in front of someone, listening to their answers too, and staring into each other’s eyes. I made a joke that I wanted to put all of the answers on my blog and see what happened, and somehow, this actually happened.
Don’t blame me! Okay, blame me. I am sure that nothing will happen except that you’ll all tell me to stop talking about myself and get back to drawing so that I can launch my webcomic on time, and finish all of the commissions that I’m doing, then get mangas out and samples sent out and… ahhh, so many things! Right now, though, I just finished a run, and I’m feeling like I want to write. Here we go. 🙂
ANSWERS: The 36 Questions that lead to love (answered as best I can, as my partner right now is a cat meows in Japanese).
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
I am torn, because Stephen Hawking appeals to my mind, and Taylor Swift appeals to every other part of me. Do I have to choose?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Mmm… well, to be honest, I’m not sure. If I become famous, I want it to be because the things that I do or have done speak to people. I’d love it it everyone knew what I had created/worked on, because they enjoyed it, appreciated it, or it inspired or helped them.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
EVERY TIME, pretty much. That’s if I can get up the nerve to call at all. I have a pretty bad phobia of phones and it takes a lot out of me to call someone whom I’m not really close with.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
First, I’d have lots of money and live in a fantastic place. Those are prerequisites for the “perfect” day. It would be warm and sunny, but not muggy or too hot. I’d bathe and read a book, and then lounge on the deck reading the same book in a sundress. Then, after lunch, I would draw or write all evening, broken only by Sansa needing some playtime, and dinner. And I’d eat as much as I wanted and look as skinny as a model. In the late evening, with the cool breeze blowing in off the deck, I would sit on the lounge and watch the latest episode of my favorite tv show on the big-screen while wrapped in my favorite crocheted blanket, sipping lemonade. Yes, this sounds perfect!
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I sang in the shower after my run today. I sing all of the time, to myself and to Sansa. Everyday, in fact.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Mind. I want to have a sharp, sharp mind for as long as I live. When my body is about to give out, hopefully I can replace it, anyways, and get on with that living forever that I’ve been wanting to do. 🙂
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
I plan not to die. So does that count?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
I don’t have a partner. But when/if I do date someone else, I hope that she is like-minded, in that she cares about animals, loves to learn and read, and is artistic in some way.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I’d like my family to have been gazillionaires. Then, I could live a nice life anywhere that I wanted, in nice places, and focus on doing what I really want to do. I could travel and draw, and come home to a gorgeous high-rise apartment with floor-to-ceiling panoramic windows, instead of what I really do: wonder whether I will be able to afford food next week, while trying to work as hard as I can on getting rent and scraping every second that I can do draw, read, exercise, and do all of the other necessary things when you’re poor.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
I’m not talking out loud for this, so let’s see, I suppose that I can give you the gist. I was born in Washington state, and my parents moved around here and there before we settled in the Tri-cities. When I was 10, we moved to southern California because of my dad’s job, and then, four years later, I was forcibly ripped from my friends to move back to the Tri-cities. I threw crying, screaming fits on the ground and refused to get into the car, and I really, really thought that it would prevent my parents from moving and taking me away from the friends that I’d worked so hard to make. It didn’t make any difference, and I was devastated and alone again.
I made a lot more friends after a few years, and was actually able, for the first time, to go to one school for all of the years that it was offered (high school). That was really important to me. So important, in fact, that going away to college, while something that I was 100% sure I would do, was too painful. I stayed for about a year, and then moved to Phoenix, AZ, following my best friend, Rachel. Rachel was probably the person who betrayed me the most in my life, although it took three years in Phoenix for her to show her true colors. Luckily, by then, I had made much, much better friends. Friends whom I got into cosplay with, and shared late-night stories with, and whom are near and dear to my heart today. Oh, and they got me into blogging, which, as you know, is something near and dear to me.
It broke my heart to leave my friends behind this time, but I went to Japan soon after graduation. I still miss them so, so much, but I think that Japan was something that I had to do. There just wasn’t any question. I spent the next nine years there, making amazing friends, and finding the home that I never thought I would have. I worked for Konomi-sensei, and for Asahi Weekly, and for the tv show, things that I never thought that I would do. Japan began to wear thin on me after a while, although I think that if I’d had the kind of money to live the life that I wanted, I would have stayed regardless. I ended up leaving, staying in Washington for a while, and then came on over here to Hawaii. Where will I want to go next? I’m not sure… for now, though, I’ve decided that I’ll focus on the things that I find are most important to me: career, friends, and Sansa (oh, and money. I will make it, somehow).
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
The ability to speak any and all languages perfectly.
1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
I prefer to think of the future as something that I can shape myself, so I’d rather not know what happens. I suppose knowing the truth about myself might help, though? Or… hurt?
2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Yes! I have dreamed of living on the moon and Mars, or in an alien society. I have not done these things because I don’t have access to the technology that is required to get there (yet)!
3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
I don’t think that I’ve made it yet.
4. What do you value most in a friendship?
5. What is your most treasured memory?
It’s hard to say what memory is most important to me. Is it the one of me taking Sansa home for the first time, or is it the first time that I met Konomi-sensei? Was it my going-away party? My trip to London with Miho, or my trip to Okinawa with Erin and Eda? I don’t know. I have so many precious memories.
6. What is your most terrible memory?
Probably the time when my ex tried to strangle me. This whole memory I try to file away as something that I don’t want to think about, but will still give me caution in my future relationships.
7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
I would give anything and everything, devote myself 100% to finding a way out of that death. I’d do whatever it took.
8. What does friendship mean to you?
Friends are the family that I choose. What family means to some people, friendship means to me.
9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
I show love and affection to Sansa and my friends, and my family when I can. As for falling in love? Some days, I’m not sure that I want to remember what that feels like, and others, I’d really like to have someone special there by my side. It really depends on the day. I’m good without someone, but would I be better with someone?
10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Because I’m not doing this with a partner, I will name five characteristics that I hope my partner has:
3) Thirst for knowledge
11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
I’ve never felt particularly close to my family, and it’s probably because of a combination of things. I felt like I had no control over my life and resented that (in that I couldn’t participate in the things I wanted because of money or logistics, and because I was forced to leave my friends over and over), and because I felt like I was being put down or teased a lot for watching cartoons or wanting to hang out with my friends. I thought that I was mostly happy, but I wonder sometimes if that was truly the case.
Nowadays, I feel a bit closer to my family than I used to. Maybe this happens a lot as you get older, I am not sure.
12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
I’m not sure. I love her, but we don’t always get along. I’d like to be closer, but I don’t feel up to bracing myself against judgement. And she will probably read this and be hurt. It’s not meant in that way. I just want to feel free to live my life according to my own directives, and not be judged because of any of them.
1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
1) We are all human. (Well, all of us humans, anyways)
2) We owe it to ourselves to help each other, and create a peaceful utopia, instead of persecuting and harming others.
3) We need to get out into space faster, and with more efficiency. Don’t hog space just to a select few, open it up to everyone!
2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
…my love of manga and fantasy books.
3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
She should know that I’m vegan just in case she makes me brownies. 😉
4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
I can’t really do this, as my partner is the faceless internet or someone that I haven’t yet met, depending on how you look at it! I bet you have nice eyes, though. And if you don’t have eyes, I’m very sorry. 🙁 You’re still awesome.
5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Um, I’ve had a lot of those moments where I walked into the wrong bathroom. I’m sure that there were a few where I told a white lie and was called out. But I can’t think of anything in specific! I feel like I’m forgetting some major embarrassments, but maybe that’s a good thing?
6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Someone here really yelled at me, and berated me like crazy, and even though I don’t agree with a word of what she said, I couldn’t help getting emotional and crying. You know what? You may not be happy with your life, but it doesn’t give you the right to berate someone who actually likes hers, for the most part! By myself.. yesterday, I cried because I saw someone talking about a blind kitty that needed a home online. ToT I want to home all of the kitties, and I would if I could! In a heartbeat!
7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
I don’t know you yet, mysterious partner, but I am sure that I will love your personality from the moment that we meet. 🙂
8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Killing animals for food, race and gender issues.
9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
I can’t think of anything. I would regret dying in itself, though, especially because of Sansa!! She needs to be properly loved and cared for for her whole life.
10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
I’d take my folders of drawings/keepsakes, and my laptop. I should really back up my laptop to the cloud so that I don’t lose all of the photos on it in the event of a fire, but I haven’t the money to pay for that kind of intense storage at the moment….
11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
My mother, I suppose, because she’s there for me even though we don’t get along all of the time.
12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Again, there is no partner, so I’m going to ask you all. I am having problems meeting girls that I’d want to date. I don’t drink or want anyone that drinks, so I can’t go to lesbian bars to meet her, really. I don’t want a girl who spends all of her time tanning, so the beach is unlikely. Where in the world can I meet feminine lesbian anime fans? I’m sort of at a loss here.
So… do you feel closer to me? I don’t know about this, really. Most of the questions were so generic, not really pertaining to what makes me me, you know what I mean?