I haven’t been writing a lot. It’s fair to ask why. I mean, I’ve been blogging for something like 12 years, starting with livejournal, and before that I was email chatting and writing or roleplaying to sort through my emotions with other people that were into ElfQuest (I got into anime from the recommendation of an EQ buddy). So, why I can’t write recently has been a question that’s really been weighing on my mind.
Or, well, it was weighing on my mind.
Oh, I’m depressed again.
I feel like Allie Brosh (without the massive fan following, because let’s face it, she’s really awesome), and probably a ton of other awesome people, both artistic and not, out there. Depression sneaks up on me, and latches on, and then ten days later, I’m left wondering why I’ve only drawn half a page, and want to erase it all and start over, but the day before it started, I storyboarded nine pages, drew three, and then cooked a delicious dinner for my family.
Like a lot of people prone to depression, I’ve fought it on and off throughout my life. I am a generally happy person– always chipper and positive, even when I’m down– but depression makes me listless, and wallow and rot away, and get frustrated because the pencil in my hand just will not move the way that I want it to.
For me, the best way to deal with it that I’ve ever found has been blogging and sharing my life with others. So, I am going to beat it (again), and hope that you all stay along with me for the ride! I am almost done with Denkiki chapter one. I am almost done with the first draft of my Tenipuri Assistant epic (I want to write it ALL and then set my blog to automatically update every morning with one post, and then I will get down and start editing it/adding in things for the book version that I promised… which truthfully I have already started doing, too.. I couldn’t resist!). I have been getting to know my family and my sister again, and her three kids. It’s a weird, weird, transitory period in my life right now. I sort of don’t know what to do.
I’d like to go to Japan soon, pick up some things that my friends are holding onto for me and see the new Hunter x Hunter movie, and then of course jet off to Hawaii. But the other day my mom said that she wants to get some more surgery done and can’t I stay to drive her around to her medical appointments for another month or two or ten?
I WANT TO START MY LIFE AGAIN. I came here to help out, and to get help in return. I could concentrate on resting, drawing, and get a fresh start, not have to pay rent for the first time in 15 years (YAY. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN), and patch up some holes that being so far away in Japan had created in my family life. I’d also just lost both of my jobs on tv and writing for the paper in Japan. (Well, not lost, so much as the terms ended) But when I arrived in Washington and tried to catch up on the sleep that I’d lost while packing up nine years of life, I got depressed without realizing it. I really miss my friends like crazy, some things about the US drive me crazy, and don’t really know what to do anymore. I know that I have to get out of here, soon. But I need to pull myself out of depression first!
Thanks for listening, everyone. I love you all. I will see you tomorrow, with something more awesome to say than this! <3
NEXT STEP: Blog a LOT. Lot lot lot! Finish manga/book. (I also have an etsy shop open now! Please look!) Go to Japan and say a “final” (it’s never final. Japan is my home) goodbye, collect the last of my things, and enjoy myself a bit drowing in Hunter x Hunter everything, come back to Washington to finish Sansa’s pre-export requirements, and then get my butt to Hawaii and start a new life! I have a lot of plans to videotape everything. Ahh… it sort of makes me excited thinking about it.
But first, NO MORE DEPRESSION. Come on, I know that I can do it….