To see a list of all of the posts in this series, click here. (*^-^*)
I just… This is a part of the story that I wasn’t sure that I would ever write. I thought that I might gloss on over it since it isn’t relevant to the manga and the job, but it is relevant to my life and it made a big impact on my emotional health back then, so here is a very, very cursory account of it. This part of the story is really personal, and the person that I am now would have made a different decision than the me back then did. I’ve grown, and I understand more about what is good for me and what isn’t.
Casual dating definitely isn’t. Not at all. I learned the hard way that, despite what I’d told myself, I could never, ever, be intimate with someone without wanting to get serious. I mean, I was pretty sure, but I had never even kissed someone that I wasn’t already dating. Hey, I move slow and I’m okay with that.
Well, let’s start at the beginning. A while back, I had went to Hyoutei myu with Konomi-sensei and the other assistants, and met many of the cast members. I took home a few email addresses, and even became pretty good friends with one of them (Saitou Yasuka). We still talk on occasion, usually whenever he wants some English advice. It feels good to be useful. ^^; We’ve talked online fairly recently, but the last time I saw him in person was probably years ago. I can even thank him for one of my best friends. I met Miho through Yasuka, and Miho has been a really important friend the last few years. I’m not sure that I would have made it through some of my hardships without her. Miho and I even went to London together. =^-^=
But, there was one other person in particular whom I met at the musical whom I talked a fair bit over text messages for a month or so. I consider myself 99% lesbian, but you know how a lot of women/men are like, “I’d be gay for _____”? Well, it’s like that, but in reverse. I would SO be straight for him.
Or, well, that was the fantasy. Tall and lean with a deep, sexy voice, plump, girly lips, and long hair. A non-drinker, non-smoker like me. He was into photography and directing, and he had a screaming fangirl fanbase that paid hundreds of dollars to join his fanclub and go to events just to watch him talk on stage. He was also a part of Tenimyu. A part of a franchise that I had worshiped a long time before I had ever started working for Konomi-sensei. And, apparently, he wanted me.
I had no intentions other than to be friends with T, since we seemed like we had a lot of things in common. But he had texted me that his current set (for a tv series) was freezing cold, and I responded as a joke, “I’ll keep you warm. ” It was just a joke. A few days later when I mentioned that I was leaving the studio after a grueling two weeks straight of work, I did not expect to get propositioned.
Very, very propositioned. He was very straightforward, “do you have a boyfriend?” Nope. “Can I come over?” I had roommates, and when I relayed that and he asked me to a hotel instead, well… I knew what was going down. He elaborated, along the lines of, “I don’t want anything serious, I just want to xxx and xxx.”
And seriously, my eyes were as big as dinner plates. I didn’t want to xxx. Or… did I? T went on to describe a very romantic, kind of exotic scene, and while I hadn’t been interested before (he has body parts that I don’t care for), I was like, how many times is an actor that sexy going to proposition you? You will regret it if you don’t say yes!
Well. I did say yes and meet up with him, and that is how I know that I cannot. Cannot. Separate sex and love. Girl or guy, it doesn’t matter. For me, those acts are something that mean a lot, and I only want to share them with someone that I intend on sharing my life with. So, laugh at me because I arrived at this conclusion after the fact, but it was a big realization in my life. I became really attached and really depressed when the mails got less and less, and although he surprised me a few times with random phone calls, I was really into him and he just wasn’t into me. Anymore, that is. We are not as alike as I had thought.
It took me until summer or so to get over that one night stand, although I forced myself to stop emailing him after a few months because I knew that I’d continue to pine if I didn’t. My poor friends were so patient with me, and Kaiwa-san helped a lot as well. He is a really good listener. When I tried months and months later to email him (I’m weak sometimes), he had changed his address and his phone number. I still have his hotmail, but.. I just never went there.
I will never, ever email him again. For my own sake.
I feel like I left out a lot of details, and for that I’m sorry. But somehow, this was really, really hard to write. I think that this “relationship” (ha) was the reason that I ended up in an abusive relationship with someone a year later. You see, I ended up dating someone who looked almost identical to T. I’m proud to say that I am back to women now, after the painful detours, but it took a really hard and jagged rock to break through my wall of stubbornness.
I don’t even know why I wrote this. Maybe it’s to show that, sure, I was kind of living the manga artist’s dream, but that doesn’t mean that everything was coming up roses.
For my next post in the Assistant story, I have some really funny news, for once! You see, it was February, and that meant that a surprise was in store for the Tenipuri offices. I was balancing a really stupid (but extremely painful) broken heart, but even a broken heart can be mended if you have enough chocolate. You’ll see what I mean soon! ♥
Stay tuned!! (*^-^*) And if you know who T is, well.. ahah.. please feel free to ask for details. I won’t answer them here, but I’ll try to answer all that I can when I edit this story to put into the ebook. ^^
I actually lost most of my photos from the time that I went to Hyoutei myu when a hard drive crashed, but I found a few low-res ones yesterdat. ^^
Here is me and Saitou Yasuka (Rin):
Me and Saitou Takumi (Oshitari):
Me and Sakurada Doori (Ryoma):
Konomi-sensei with the three Atobes:
Kamakari Kenta (Shishido) and Saitou Takumi (Oshitari):
I wish that I had all of the photos. There were some really cute ones, although the last one takes the cake for adorableness!